Hey Jeff,
I hope his will be some help to you. I don't feel seperated from my mother as I feel like I still have an everyday meaningful relationship with her. All of the things she taught me are things that I use in everyday applications. Her approach to life, but also the specific skills that I learned from her as a kid, like reading, writing, drawing, painting, sewing, and all around creating.
Her understanding that word and thought create your perception and the actual construction of your life. All of my current actions are extensions of, and collaberations with, her own teachings and examples to me. Her life and personality resonates in each of my own creations and interactions. In fact, I realize this, and feel it, and understand it increasingly more powerfully and clearly now.
I am very grateful for my time with her in the previous dynamic, but I am also very grateful for my relationship with her in the current stage.
At times It can be tempting for personal (maybe even selfish ? Or egocentric?) reasons, to want to think that it would be nice to continue with the previous dynamic and be able to give back to her in material ways now that I am able to. To show my appreciation for her guidence and integrity, and her belief in me, and try to be as giving to her as she was. But that is silly, because she wasn't interested in material things anyway, and her actions were her own reward to her. And she knew she did what she wanted to do in this stage and she was looking forward to the next stage.
And the truth is that I feel her evident in the fingerprints and whispers of reality, and I am very appreciative of that. I know I am still learning from her, and collaborating with her, on a daily basis. My work through writing and art make me more sensitive to this.
I don't believe in death. Just new stages of life.
You do each stage of the process the best that you can. And you are fully appreciative and grateful of that stage. Then when the next stage occurs, you collaborate with it the best that you can and fully enjoy it and life gratefully for that stage. Not longing for the next or the previous, but appreciating the inherant beauty and quailities of each spiral of the process.
I have enjoyed, and am currently grateful for, each sequence of my relationship with the life of my mother. That relationship certainly never ended, but has perhaps grown stronger.
: Hey David.
: Yes, I had a great time. It is always an honor to see you
: and the crew there. You guys are always so nice and
: positve. It is great to be around. and thank you again
: for the books. They are being circulated through out
: people I know
.
: I know that Pete had a great time too. Its a different
: world for him and it was good for him. I experienced a
: different world the other day too. I have a friend
: named Tou Saiko Lee, we call him Too Psycho, anyway,
: he does spoken word shows, along with a lot of the
: hmong communtiy here in MN and other people like me
: that want to perform. it was just awsome. I have read
: Tou's poetry before, but seeing him and the other
: artists perform was an amazing experience. Its kind of
: the hip hop scene ya know, so it was intense and dark
: and beautiful at the same time.
: I know that you would have dug it. there were musicians
: there too and even Pete got up and read a poem that he
: wrote and it was awesome. I didnt know that he could
: write like that
. Experiencing new things is
: awesome. Next time I am going to get up there and show
: some art. it will be awesome.
: I have been doing pretty well latey too. I don;t know how
: you made it through when you lost your mother. It's so
: strange and I just miss her a lot. Maybe I am still in
: shock, thinking she will come home because she is just
: away for a long time, but I know she isnt. I know that
: you were around the same age as me when you lost your
: mom right? It was 1995 I remember from the kabuki
: book. Did your mom pass away from cancer too? Its a
: terrible thing. Just can't believe how quick it
: happened. talking to her one day, and the next, she is
: in ICU. Sorry to get so personal. I wanted to talk to
: you at the con about this, but it is crazy cause you
: were so busy there and I didnt know if you would be
: offended by it. I want to put her into my art somehow,
: but I still feel frozen.
: I am hoping that school will help pull things out of me
: and I will find the guidence I need from my
: instructors and friends. It is going to be so fun. My
: mom was happy that I decided to go back to school, and
: especially for what I wanted to do, illustration.
: ok, sorry, this is getting long, but I had a blast. I
: cant wait til next year and I cant wait to see what
: new amazing things you are going to throw at us.
: take care David
: -Jeff