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Re: weathering through... Posted By: MACK! In Response To: weathering
through... (maxonestar) Hey Robert,
I have a pretty good idea what you are going through. I won't go into
too many details about it, but Anh's parents always planned for her to be
with a guy who was an engineer, Vietnamese, and Catholic. Of course I am
none of these three things. But I get the sense that they sort of come to
terms with it on their own over a period of time. I figure it is best not
to get into that stuff until they have time to work it out on their own
first. Depending on the circumstance it may take years for them to settle
into it on there own, so I decided from the beginning not to be
confrontational about anything like that. And not to take it personally,
because it has nothing to do with you as a person.
I've seen this sort of experience through several perspectives. You may
know that Rick Mays is black, and sometimes people from another culture
will say things to him that should be insulting without them really
meaning it to be. One time a Japanese woman on a plane was like "Wow,
you're black. So you can dance real good, right?" And of course he was pretty concerned about being accepted by Tomomi's
family.
My view is that you want to keep the focus on the relationship between
the two of you, and anyone else is welcome to accept it whenever they are
ready to. That's been working for me so far. I find that over time they
are able to work it out for themselves. But you don't want to worry about
it, be confrontational about it, or take it offensively. You just let them
evolve on their own cycle.
: You know, this isn't the sort of thing that effects : Robert ------ Messages In This Thread ------
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